recovery

Firstly happy New Year to everyone, this is going to be a good one!

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write and update everyone, but here I am now. Well as you all know I had surgery Dec 10th, so it is almost 5 weeks (how time flies when you are having fun!)and I am on the road to healing physically, having a harder time emotionally, but I'll get there.

On to the surgery part first, my hospital experience was pretty good, had a private room which was nice(helped set up by Steve my old assistant manager). Dawn Marie stayed overnight with me, which was a great comfort and help, as the nurses sadly weren't too helpful. Pre op, the nurse was unable to get my IV and had 3 attempts in my foot, a painful area, however another nurse managed to get it. The recovery room nurse was great, caring and kind, the floor nurses were okay, efficient enough but not too caring. I had to ask for drains to be emptied and never once was my pain addressed, I always had to ask for medication. I was in hospital one day, I could have stayed 2 nights but felt it would be better to sleep in my own bed, as I was now taking oral pain medication and oral antibiotics. Dawn Marie again stayed with me, what a friend . Onto pain, well as you can imagine I was pretty sore for a while and it was difficult getting comfortable and sleeping well. I took pain medications for about 4 days and 5 nights, wanted to get off the stuff as soon as was able being the martar that I am. I had bilateral drains in for 2 weeks and they were removed Xmas eve, they were more uncomfortable than anything and a pain in the neck as I couldn't really wear anything as they had to be tucked into my pants.

As for the surgery itself, the procedure seemed to go okay, can't say I like what I see, in fact absolutely hate what I see but it is what it is, and had to be done in order to survive. During surgery the left breast was removed and sent with the one sentinel node(first node that drains from the breast)to pathology, and as expected was negative for cancer as it was the prophylactic side. The right breast, I found out 5 days later, still had 4 positive nodes,(she removed 19 in total). She knew during surgery that the sentinel node was still positive and therefore removed quite a few so as to be on the safe side. When I found out about the pathology results I was pretty upset, as I expected to have negative nodes after 6 months of chemo, MRI results, clinical results and oncologists projection. The breast also had scatted areas which I did expect based on MRI. So here we go again I thought, I anticipated doing more chemo and possibly radiation. Saw the Oncologist a few days later and he stated he was initially disappointed when he heard , but that he looked at the slides and the cancer grade had now changed from high and aggressive to intermediate and he didn't anticipate more chemo and no radiation. What sweet words these were. Truly after getting the results that was the first time that I actually thought that I might die and not beat this, however my oncologist reassured me that I have a 90% chance of survival and if there is spread or recurrence it will take about 5 years he projected, to show. So now on with living. Once you have a cancer diagnosis there are never any guarantees, however none of us have a life guarantee and living each day as if it is your last is a good philosophy, although I can't say I've been doing that, but I will.

So what next, 5 years of hormone suppression, so now I'm going to be a bitch with hair that will now grow on my chin and everywhere I don't want it!! We also talked about a drug that has been shown to improve survival and increase remission, it is given once IV every 6 months, costs about $1,000 and not covered by insurance as its not approved for this type of care, it's approved for treatment of bony metastasis and osteoporosis. Anyway, I will do whatever it takes and will just have to figure it into my monthly expenses.

My surgical sites, or as Fiona calls them, my battle scars, are healing although I was, and still am, a little concerned about the wound on the left, as the site opened up a little and the color isn't great,a little dusky. As a result we haven't done any stretching yet as he wants to wait until it has definitely healed before putting any stress on the area.Hopefully we can start stretching process this week. I am still really numb all across chest, part of sternum and right axilla(armpit) and underside of upper arm. They say it is often 6 months before feeling to arm etc returns, although the chest will remain as is. My range of motion in my left arm is pretty good but the right side is still pretty stiff and uncomfortable. The whole chest area is still uncomfortable, not pain just uncomfortable and I'm very aware of all movement. Hopefully it won't be too long before I feel and look normal again. My hair is beginning to grow and I need to now shave my legs, why does it always grow in the places we don't want it to. The color of my hair, my head hair that is, is beautiful white, just like snow, so will be using a little loving care or some other product pretty soon. no eye brows yet, but they are starting to grow as are the eyelashes.

Still off work and planning on returning mid or end Feb. Can't say I'm looking forward to going back and working my ass off during busy chaotic winter months. I miss the people but not the place.

I have been rather down since New Year but now have my trip to look forward to. My work colleagues were very, very generous and collected over $700 for a trip away for me, so I am going to Paris and Barcelona for 8 days in 3 weeks. Told you I was going to start living. The best part is I am going with my 2 best friends, Dawn Marie and Sandra, who I've known since I was 14, can't ask for any better.

So now it is really all about recovering and getting back to normal. Hope you are all well. Thanks to everyone for their prayers, flowers, food, good wishes etc, really it would all have been unbearable without everyone's support.